Love is Blind

          Before I go into the "what" of this story I think that it is important that I first explain the "why". Just over a year ago my buddy Dave, his father, and I took a trip down to Florida to check out the real estate market. His aunt and uncle were kind enough to let us live in one of their houses while we were down there. Once we had arrived at our house after the two day drive, we unpacked our things and went to his uncle's club to talk. 
          As we settled down and started talking to his uncle about business, I saw a blond waitress out of the corner of my eye. My friends father noticed me, leaned over and jokingly said "Hey Chris, want me to fix you up with her". I responded that I can handle things just fine on my own. As we continued talking, his uncle insisted that we all come back to the club later that night for a party. He told us that on this night they were going to have a drag queen party at the club. Dave and his dad considered the idea that we might stop by. After we were done talking we went back to the house and put our things away. 
          As the day wore on I started asking about what to expect at the party that night. I was given a vague explanation that it had something to do with men dressing up as women and doing different performances on stage. I was also told that a fair amount of the visitors that night would be homosexual. I asked if that would include the entire crowed or would it be a mix. One of the club helpers responded that it would be fifty-fifty. Ok works for me, I thought to myself. 
          Finally, night had arrived and the club was just getting ready to go. At this time my friend had gone off shopping and his father was watching TV. My curiosity eventually got the better of me and I got myself dressed up and went to tell Dave's father that I was going to check out the club, besides I was tired of being in the house after the drive we'd just been through. He asked if I might want to first wait for my friend to get back before heading over. I told him that he could just send Dave over when he got back and we could meet up. He than said "Just so your aware Chris, you may get hit on while you're there". I then answered "If that happens than I will just nicely explain that I am straight and everything will be fine. Besides, the guy said the crowed over there was going to be fifty-fifty". 
          So I made my way to the club and noticed that they were still setting up and that only a few people were there. I decided to take a seat at the outside bar and wait for my friend to arrive. As I was hanging around I noticed that some guy around my age was staring at me from the other side of the bar. I pretended to ignore it and just continued minding my own business. He than walked up to me with this big smile and started asking me what I was up to. I explained that I was waiting for my friend to arrive. "So you're waiting for you're boy friend to get here?" he asked. "What?" was the only thing I could say in response to the questions. "No,no,no" I explained, "He's just my friend. I'm not gay". "That's fine" he said. Than he told me that he was waiting for his boyfriend. We soon finished talking and I went back to waiting. Finally, his friend arrived and they started talking. Then they both started glancing over at me. I decided to go inside the club and wait for my friend. 
          Once inside I started talking with some of the workers to pass the time. Finally, Dave came walking through the door and sat down with me to have a drink. Than one of the workers came walking in with guy dressed up like a woman. The worker than walked up to me and said "Chris, I would like you to meet Daisy Dead Petals, she is our host drag queen of the night. Daisy this is Chris, the only straight guy at the bar". We both shook hands. He than said "My you have smooth skin on you're hands". "Uh, thank you" was all I could say. When we finished talking the drag queen left to get set up for the show. When Dave finished his drink he told me that he was going to wait back at the house. So we walked outside and he left while I stayed outside the club. 
          At this point more people had started to arrive. My intentions were to just wait around for the show to start. I noticed that every so often, certain guys would just stare at me. Than one older guy who I was standing next to me leans over and say's "Hey, you're cute." "Here we go again" I thought. "Thanks" I said "But just so you know, I'm straight". "That's ok" he said "I have straight guy's too". He than poked me in the chest and said "Straight guy's just like you". Not knowing what to say I asked to be excused for a second.  I than went to the bathroom inside the club to think about what had just happened. After I got inside, I went to sit down when I noticed I had stepped on something. I lifted my foot to find that I had stepped on what appeared to be a chocolate piece of candy on the floor. 
          Now at this time, my friend Dave was outside on the deck enjoying the night. He than had his peaceful time ruined when he heard me yelling his name. He got up and watched as I came hopping up the side path on one foot. "Do we have a hose at this house?" I asked. "Why? What happened'? he asked. I lifted my leg up for him to see the bottom of  my shoe. After looking closely he asked me what it was. I told him it was something I stepped on in the mens bathroom. I watched as the realization of what had happened crept into his face. "Oh, my God!" he yelled, "My boy stepped in sh-t, he stepped in human shi-t! That is disgusting!"I than interrupted him "Well, do we have a hose?" He looked around and said "yea, there should be one on this side of the house." He than picked up the hose and sprayed my shoes clean as best he could. Than we dried it off with paper towels. 
          After they were clean we decided to wait at the house and would go back over to see the show later on. When the time came Dave, his dad, and I all went back to the show together. We went back to find that the majority of the customers were now a bunch of men dressed up like women. And once again I had to deal with a bunch of men "Checking me out". At that point I truly understood what a girl means when they complain that they get treated like a piece of meat. Luckily the show soon started and that took the attention away from me. I watched as the drag queen I had met earlier, Daisy Dead Petals, took the stage.
          He started with a few jokes than began talking about some straight guy he had met earlier that he planned to get drunk later on. I than realized that he was talking about me as I watched everyone laugh and look in my direction. The rest of the show was filled with a bunch of content that I cannot share with you on this blog. Dave decided to leave towards the end, when he had seen enough. So only his father, aunt, uncle, and I were all that was left. 
          Than a DJ came out and started playing music for people to dance to. I then noticed that the waitress from earlier was hanging out at the bar talking to one of her fellow workers. I thought to myself "maybe I should see if she wants to dance". At that point Dave's father told me that he was heading back to the house and asked if I was coming. I told him I just wanted to wait a bit longer. "Ok, be safe." he told me. I than got back to the idea of talking to the girl and asking her to dance. 
          As I was getting ready to go over and say something I noticed that I had caught the attention of a few other people. This time I had a bunch of elderly men dressed up staring at me. Some even reached out to brush the side of my arm as I walked past. I than thought to myself "maybe if they see that I'm with a girl, they'll leave me alone". As I started to walk over I had a thought go through my mind. "What if she turns me down and some drag queen takes up the offer. Or worse, what if she agrees to dance and a bunch of these guys try joining in". I decided that I would just ask her on another night, after all I was going to be around for a week. "Who knows" I thought to myself "maybe I'll be able to get her back to the house before this trip is over". So I decided to just go home and go to sleep. 
          The next morning we all woke up and hung out in the living room. Dave's father eventually turned to me and asked "So Chris, why did you want to stay behind last night?" "Well" I started "Do you remember the waitress we saw earlier yesterday?" They both looked at each other and answered "There weren't any waitresses." "Yes there was" I said, "There was the blond girl in the back working." They both still had a puzzled look on their face. I than turned to Dave's dad, "Remember the girl that you talked about fixing me up with". As he began to remember, he started laughing to himself. "Uh, Chris" Dave started "That was some guy with a dress, a wig, and make up on". They both then started laughing like crazy. "You're lying" I replied. "No we're not" he said "that was some guy." "I don't believe you" I answered. 
          At that time Dave's aunt walked into the house to wish us good morning. After settling down I started talking to her. "Will you please tell these two about the waitress that you have at you're club." "We didn't have a waitress yesterday" she answered confused. "Yes you did" I replied, "The blond girl that I saw working." She than gave it some thought as to who I could be talking about. Then she answered "Oh, you must mean Colin. He's such a nice boy." My jaw hit the floor and I sat back in my chair as my friend and his dad started cracking up again. 
          As my mind started wrapping around what could have happened I dropped my head into my hands. "Oh my God" I said out loud, "To think I was standing there trying to figure out how to get her back to the house". Upon hearing that my friends dad replied "Just think if you actually did get her back here. How awkward would that have been? There wouldn't be enough psychiatrists in the world to fix you". They all started laughing together, while I was still sitting in a state of shock. The rest of the trip I was paranoid about determining if someone was actually a guy or girl whenever I went to the back to the bar.